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me about to talk in public:  *rehearses what im going to say 50 times in my brain*
me:  today how you are


beauty is such a bullshit value point like lol some people think im ugly some people think im beautiful and none of these people are going to pay me for having to deal with their thoughts so why should i care and what makes people live under the impression i give a single echo of a fuck? god. this is a one-person show and i’m the main player. hecklers will be thrown the fuck out. 


when you’re about to kiss someone and their mouth stinks



"but officer they were fucking with my clique"


u think i am walking around the house with a blanket around my shoulders because i cold but in actuality it is my cloak and i am on an adventure


*eating chips* okay this is the last one. *eats 10 more* I mean it this time, no more. *finishes bag*